Sunday, November 20, 2011

Where Am I?

By Brian Wask

In 2050 the Sun will ask the Moon, “Remember the United States?” The Clouds wont weep. It’s a short fall. Guns don’t kill people. People with guns kill people. Get rid of the people and save lives. Government would like people to think they have the extraordinary privilege to vote. People think they decide what and when and how. They make signs and defend the streets. They rally around God-like pundits. They show off guns and bang on drums. What good? The plows are out of ox and the next card is it. Greed has it balls in the mouth of Democracy, and everyone seems to think it’s the little guy’s fault because they grabbed a house they couldn’t afford, after politicians, encouraged by big banks, made it okay for lenders to make promises they knew they couldn’t keep. A lot of people are going to Hell after this mess. The Vikings prevailed.

I don’t blame anyone for this, but I will proceed to call out several types of people whom I believe should take some responsibility. This will get bad, and uncomfortable, for even me. I’m sure I’m in a few of the following types. But it’s something we must all do. First type of people, Clowns. Stop acting like fools, chasing big shoes and makeup. It’s too much by now. There are people who need little shoes. And the size of a clown’s shoe can easily make a dozen little shoes. Stop hiding behind the makeup. There is a reason clowns have to try so hard. Everyone is laughing at them. So they try even harder.

Next. People who get new cell phones every eleven months. Cell Phones are building a mountain in Peru. That’s where they go to die. The life span is a year, tops. Millions end up on the road in a trillion pieces. Plastic everywhere. Even more find themselves in large containers and hoisted on big ships. They travel the Pacific, then dumped like Alaskan crabs onto trucks and taken to the mountain where they settle for good. There is another mountain in the distance. Illuminated by the moon at night it winks a kaleidoscope of colors. It is made of soda bottles.

And people with printers, which I am guilty of. Printers use up too much paper and they don’t seem to care. The paper is made of trees, and the printers don’t even care how much they use. Sometimes a printer will print a whole page with nothing but a number in the bottom right corner. They just keep printing paper with whatever on it. I could do it all day with my printer, as long as it takes. I could buy all the paper, killing all the trees, and print things all day until all the trees are gone. Realistically, I could not do this alone. Perhaps a town, if they dedicated themselves to it, could wipe out all the trees after a few years. I’d watch out for that town. A lot of people these days have nothing better to do.

Religious people don’t have a clue. It’s pretty obvious. I’m confident most of us, including a good chunk of religious people, agree the world would be a better place without religion. But it would not be as interesting, though in spite of it, the world is interesting. And that makes it so. Wolves are a vicious species. They hunt in packs and torment their prey. They jab at each other with taunts preceding the slaughter. They mock humanity. Then they kill. It’s a horrible thing to watch. Terrible, when the prey is a deformed baby left behind by a morally lost band of nomads. There is a purpose for this. I’ve heard.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Three Guys On a Boat

Guy #1:

So far it seems the most common thread among the Occupy Wall Street is End the Fed or Audit the Fed. Sounds reasonable, though it will be impossible to get either Democrats and Republicans to go along with this. While a good amount of the legislature probably doesn't even know what the Federal Reserve is, I'm sure both benefit from the spoils equally, one way or another. Then there are Party Loyalists, who will do anything for an invite to the party.

Guy #2:

I am not sure what auditing the Fed would hope to accomplish. The Fed operates in a fairly transparent way to begin with and the truth is that the money that the Fed loans is not real money. It is IOUs, so it isn’t like you are going to find payoffs or anything like that. Also, the Fed takes in loans from banks and makes loans to banks so for the most part it is really just other bank’s money that is being loans (of course no actually money is changing hands, just IOUs). Also the rates that the Fed loans at are public and standardized. There is nothing secret about that.

As for ending the Fed, I could not imagine a less responsible way to deal with our currently economic crisis. Maybe eliminating Dodd/Frank, would be AS irresponsible, but not more.

We can pretend that the solutions are simple but frankly, that is what got us into this mess. The idea that decisions don’t have consequences is what led to the current economic crisis. They do have consequences, and it is possible that they are very complicated and hard to see, but that doesn’t change them. We need responsible stewards of our country and they only way we get that (or even deserve it) is if we have a responsible electorate.

To prevent the next depression/recession we need to do one thing (and only one thing): Limit the amount of leverage that can be taken by banks. That is what caused the depression of 1929 (banks were over-leveraged in the stock market) and it is what caused this problem (banks were over-leveraged in real estate).

To correct, the current situation, we need to generate revenue quickly but we also need to look at long term solutions so that we don’t have this ideological brinkmanship every 10 years.

If we need to audit something it is the defense department and millionaires. If someone wants to audit the banks fine, but I can tell you right now that what is going to be found is that they: 1) made a ton of bad loans; 2) with borrowed money; 3) to people who had no business getting them.

The Fed (like the IMF) is a wonderful boogie man, but the truth is that change to the Fed (to anything really) will come from our policy makers. Dodd/Frank limited leveraging and created a fair number of regulations that will (in addition to a lot more) make large banks’ decisions much more transparent. It can absolutely be strengthened. The problem is that it is actually under attack right now from corporate interests and if the majority in the House of Representatives got their way, it would be eliminated completely. If the left gets distracted from the improvements that do NEED to be made, we are likely going to end up in an even worse situation.

Guy #3:

Guy #2 is on the money with this. We continue to allow the banks to dictate how we approach a solution. Even Bloomberg is taking their backs. Over leveraging is responsible for most financial crisis. That is true from household accounts to government budgets. It all has to be managed through regulation. I know that's a dirty word, but since our financial institutions are unwilling to do it voluntarily they have to be regulated.

Guy #1:

Guys, Audit the FED, not end the FED. If you're so confident in it you shouldn’t have such a problem auditing it to make sure it is working to benefit the people, not the government and the corporations. You both know the government is pretty close with big business, so why not make sure the FED isn't?

Guy #2

Auditing it is fine. I have no problem with it. I just have no idea what we would be looking for but maybe there is something there. I hope that it doesn’t feed conspiracy theories about the Fed though.

Ideas aren’t good just by virtue of being supported by John F Kennedy.

Also, I think that it is important to note that it is not just that corporations are close to government officials (FDA is a prime example), but also that corporations are close to politicians. They are the ones that legislate these things and as long as the Oil industry, the drug industry, etc, can spend unlimited money on electing a legislature, then that wont change.

Lastly, I am not sure what constitutes a "Democratic Party loyalist", but in the abstract I would profess to be one. At the same time I am also a former Democratic Party Staffer AND I have no idea what the official democratic party platform or "policy" is. My point is that as Will Rodgers if famous for saying, "I am not affiliated with any organized Party. I am a Democrat." Any attempt by others to assign a position to me based on my affiliation is more than unfair, it is actually in opposition to what I believe (as a democrat).

So, do I (a professed - and proud - party loyalist) think that there are democratic policies that I dont like? Yes. As far as Democratic policy is defined in a static sense (which I dont think that it is). I guess we can imagine that Democratic policy is defined by Congressional Democrats or the White House Staff or the Brookings Institute or Rachel Maddow, but that is not the case. Democratic policy is set by Democratic voters. Just like Republican policy is set by Republican voters. Both policies have changed radically over the last 125 years BECAUSE their voters have changed. As a matter of fact, Republican policy has changed drastically over the last 2 years for this very reason.

If the progressive movement wants to effect change, the way to do it is by winning over a plurality of voters. That is the ONLY way it can be done and that is good because the people need to have the reigns of power. That is why I am a democrat. Because I believe in equality of opportunity and I believe that together people are stronger than separately (which by the way is pretty much the argument FOR a Federal Reserve). If they dont take it or pass the chance to start a fringe movement, then shame on them. They will accomplish nothing. People can choose to vote for individuals that agree with them 100% of the time, and we will have a government of religious leaders (because no free thinking individual can find someone who agrees with them 100% other than in the mirror).

Guy #1:

I do not believe voters shape policy. I believe parties instigate policies. I believe people defy parties. I do not believe people.

Guy #2:

The US has the weakest political parties in the democratic world... really the entire world because non-democratic countries have even stronger parties (think Russia, Syria, etc.). In most democratic countries, the parties actually control policy and the individual elected official has very little influence. In the US, politics is all about the personality. Reagan, Clinton, Bush (2), Obama. They are pure personality. Bush (1), Nixon, Johnson where more party. (I left out Carter because he was kind of a mixture of both.

Party influence in US politics actually took even more of a hit when the Supreme Court removed all restrictions on political spending. The parties are essentially a laughing stock now. If destruction of political parties is the end, then the Citizen's United decision (allowing unfettered money in politics) will do exactly that. Under the current system, I am not sure parties will exist much longer in American politics. Instead, you will have the Chamber of Commerce Caucus, the Koch Brother's Caucus, the Religious Caucus, and the News Corp Caucus. This might sound exaggerated and over the top, but it isnt. Those are the interests that will elect our representatives.

Your belief that people dont influence policies if defeatist as far as I can tell. Honestly, the protests are a waste of time if that is the truth. What can the protests possibly accomplish if they dont influence policy? Obviously there will never be an audit of the Fed if that is the case. People need to support it and believe that it is necessary for it to have a chance at happening. But if people dont effect policy then not even that would work.

Parties are made up of people. There is no mysterious force moving them. Ascribing party insiders as rotten or bad or conspiratorial with big business is just as foolish as ascribing wall street protestors with some sort of virtue (or on the flip side saying wall street protesters are rabble-rousers or thugs or anarchists, etc.). They all have virtues and vices. They are ALL corruptible.

Guy #1:

All I can guarantee is the conversation at Occupy is mainly, Obama has to go. They do not complain about Herman Cain or Rick Perry. They do not talk about Bush. They want Obama gone. I don't have a problem with that, but I'm not sure I understand their alternative. The news would like you to believe this is an anti-Republican protest. A good chunk of these people call themselves Libertarians. This protest wont change anything, except some lucky people. The rest are doomed to repeat themselves.

Guy #2:

The news I have watched has not implied anti-Republican. First they implied (or straight out said) that it was anarchist and anti-business. Now the message seems to be anti-big bank, anti-conservative economic policy, and pro-99%.

I can see how those issues can be mistaken for anti-Republican, but I don't think that is the way it is being described. It certainly appears to be a genuine progressive movement. While I hate to compare it to the Tea Party, their early iteration was definitely not pro-Republican. It was anti-bailout, anti-big business. Then it morphed into anti-Obama and anti-Obamacare. They (the Tea Party) barely even talk about the bailouts anymore.

They are not largely unpopular with the public at large. I only hope the same does not happen with OWS. You are right that they should not closely affiliate with a party. That doesn’t help them. It only helps to alienate them completely to half of the population. Most party line people in the US don’t even like their party and want it to change. The movement needs to stay outside of parties. That said, the energy NEEDS to translate to progressives turning out for elections. That is how we accomplish change.

Guy #1:

Well said. You might be right too.

Guy #2:

I’m pretty sure I am.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Reviews: The Bible- Part 1

The Bible is one of the best bunch of stories. It’s a great book. And it has a lot of amazing messages. It is also popular. I think everyone should read the Bible. I wish it was more popular. I think people forgot about the Bible. And now they like the koran. All my friends want to read the koran instead of the Bible. I don’t know.

How I read the Bible was in bed. At night with my pillow. My pillow is the oldest thing I have. The Bible is the oldest thing people have. It is even older than fire. The wheel isn’t even older than fire. That shows how old the Bible is. It is very old. Older than Jesus even because it was written about him after he was dead. Wait it was actually written before him. It was written by Jews. I just read that now after I already starting writing this. I’m happy I read that because now I know. Jews are older than the Bible. I don't have to feel bad for them anymore.

The Bible starts out in Eden with a man and then a woman comes over. I think this is a good beginning because when you are born a man and a woman are there. But that is the oldest part of the bible. It doesn’t mention dinosaurs. I read a lot about Abraham. He was always yelling I think and his wife. And his kids. God told him to yell at them when he was 99.

Abraham was always hearing things from God. No matter what you can think about God told Abraham exactly what to do. Even at night when he wasn’t working. God would tell Abraham “Obey me” and “I will shield you from danger and give you a reward” and even “Go back to her an be her slave.” Abraham never understand what God tells him but he likes God because God talks to him when no one else does. That’s why Abraham talks to God.

Slaves were a mistake because in the Bible it says people should only be slaves for 6 years and then they should be released when in Africa slaves were forced to work for all the time. And when the owner lets the slave go he is supposed to give the slave everything he has been blessed with by God. Even though he was the slave. This makes the six years as a slave okay. But if the slave does something wrong the slave owner does not have to tell him. Then when the slave tries to leave the slave owner can say I never told you but I don’t have to give you all my stuff because you talked too loud during sunset on Friday.

If you are thinking of reading the Bible you have to. It will be good for your friends.

In it the book gets long but is never finished. In real life people who read the Bible like everything about it. Even the part when the baby is cut in half and then the whole town is burned up because of all the men dancing together. That was the part that made me think the Bible can’t be totally real because that was badder than anything in the koran. Because the Bible is supposed to be better than the koran.

I don’t know. The cross is pretty awesome.

(This review was posted for 37 minutes before it disappeared. Perhaps there is a God. I understand why this review is wrong but I didn't think Bible-reading folks would. I guess that makes me fascist. That makes me feel bad. Now I have to feel bad. That doesn't sound so bad.)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Dispatches From Hurricane Irene: Bunkered Down in Zone C

Saturday, August 27 2011

CC >BW 9:47 Get out of the city. You’ll be blown over. Bloomberg cares about you.

CC 10:53 What’s in your GO bag? This is nuts, crazy

BW 10:54 Don’t Panic. Do you have Cheese?

CC 10:57 Oh my God. You and even Milinda are welcome here at my place. You and your squeeze cheese on your wheat thins. GET OUT!

BW 10:59 Never

CC 11:06 Can you say overreact? Well at least the economy is back after all the fear purchasing.

BW 11:08 Maybe food stores and hardware stores, but the rest are all fucked. Do you think this Cheney’s fault?

CC 11:08 What zone are u in? I’m in zon x71A. Sp I can stay. I pooped in my GO bag.

BW 11:08 Laugh my ass off

BW 11:13 Here comes the rain

CC 11:15 I just see a leaf fall out of a tree and I think I see some garbage in the street.

BW 11:16 That tree is fucked

CC 11:19 I’m going to start drinking heavy now.

BW 11:22 I have to pickup my laundry at noon. Then drink. Its very important I hace clean clothes for the apocalyptic aftermath.

CC 11:40 Yes, must look your best for Irene. Touch base with me every couple hrs so I know u- and I guess Milinda- are okay.

BW 12:04 Copy

BW 3:37 I’m in Zone C

BW 4:10 Her it comes

CC 4:14 My mom’s wig just blew off…

CC 4:21 Going to a hurricane party, expecting ‘snow.’

BW4:21 Have fun.

CC 4:24 Stand by me on ch 3, think you get…?

BW4:25 No

BW5:35 I’m cooking striped bass

BW5:57 I can’t believe people are walking around in this shit. They’re crazy.

CC 6:07 What’s ur drink? I just bought a bottle of black label. Irene’s setting me off.

BW 6:09 Had a few beers. Switching to vodka now

CC 6:16 Just stopped by Willie’s for a cocktail. Ahhhh, remember that room/bar?

CC 8:22 R u okay?

BW 8:24 Drunk, Scared. Eating cheese.

BW 10:39 I went outside. It looked like Blade Runner

BW > OAM 10:46 Are you safe? Here it comes.

OAM 10:49 Raining really hard. How are you?

BW 10:51 We’re great. Bunkered down with food and wine. The rain is heavy.

OAM 10:52 Where are you”

BW 10:52 Hell’s Kitchen

OAM 10:53 Your apt?

BW 10:58 Yes. Holding down the fart

OAM 10:59 Hehe.

BW>CC 11:24 You out the door with your Go bag?

BW 12.53 Waiting

CC 1:07 Think I see you in Times Square. Is Milinda still alive?

BW 1:12 I’m about to pass out. Goodnight Irene.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Farmface: From the Dirt

The first day:

There’s a good piece of land by the green house. The road runs past. The lights are off but for one light on the left side of the house if you’re looking from the road. It’s a dim light, flickers like a fire light. It possibly is. It fades soon after midnight. Then there’s no light. Maybe moonlight. Depends what kind of night. Some nights there're all stars. They are far away but look close to each other. They look small but they’re not small at all. Just far away from the green house.

Come morning:

[Pick it up. Where is it?] [Pic k it up. Where is it?] [Pick i t up. Where is it?] It’s there! [Pick it up. Where is it?] [Pick it up. Where is it?] [P ic k it u p. Wh ere is it?] It’s there! [Pick it up. Where is it?] [Pick it u p. Wher e is it?] [P ick it up. Where is it?] It’s there! [Pic k it u p. Where is it?] [Pi ck it up. Where is it?] [Pick it u p. W he re is i t?] It’s there! [Pi ck it up. Wh ere is it?] [Pi ck it u p. Whe re i s it?] [Pi ck it up. W here is it?] It’s there! [Pi ck it up. W here is it?] [Pick i t up. Wh er e is it?] [Pick it up. Wher e i s it?] It’s there! [Pick it up. Where is it?] [Pick i t up. W he re i s it?] [Pic k it u p. W here is i t?] P ic k i t u p!

(Music by Marc Ribot without permission.)

Another day:

If you find this box I hope you like it. Please dont sell it. This box has never been sold. My grandfather made it and gave it to my dad and my dad gave it to me. You can give it to someone but please don’t sell it. It is meant to be a gift. Though you might be tempted to sell it. Please dont. I put it on the street cause I can’t think of anyone I know that would not sell it. Everybody is selling everything. Please dont sell this box.

Last Day:

A lady with cloudy hair sold me a sack of candy. I emptied it in the dirt for the orphans.

The blue moon chuckles. A red crab collects what little is left behind while the orphans digest and the bells rest. I leave them in the night so I can walk alone. I sleep on an out-of-tune piano. The orphans gather around me in the morning. They’ve returned to my side and make me promise never to leave them again. I climb down from the piano. Toes tap a little tune. Look for my hat but remember Uncle Dust. Not since the accident. The orphans found me a new hat. It fits a little big still just fine. When it’s time to go I go. The orphans follow. Only the dirt can say who follows the orphans.

Words by Brian Wask and videos by Gabriel Comrie Pepin.

Blogging 101: Nothing Much Going On Again

I’m reading some books I really like. By authors I’ve never heard of.

I’m writing a book I kind of like. It’s by me.

It will be published soon, I guess. By me or someone else.

In the meantime I have a job. I didn’t always have a job.

Ask Milinda.

I should check Facebook. Someone might be “Tired.” Or maybe someone I know is “Swimming.”

Summer is very hot in New York and I don’t really love the park in the summer so I spend most of my time inside. I don’t use an air-conditioner because it’s loud (and the energy is expensive). So it’s always hot inside.

My neighbor above is loud. I know he’s a fool and probably a sociopath. I’ve had words with him about it but he thinks he’s entitled because this is New York and the city is loud. That’s mostly true.

Maybe I need to find a new town. I’d like to stay in New York but I’m afraid it’s not for me anymore. It is loud. And it’s fake. And everyone is so self-aware you can’t walk done the street without someone drilling your eyes, trying to figure out what your wearing and why you’re wearing it. I used to walk down the street oblivious. Now I feel trapped, like I’m being interviewed.

I’m a writer in New York City. That’s cliché. I should be a writer in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Even Cleveland would be better. I guess I should’ve figured this out years ago but it’s not so bad I figured it out now.

There are a lot of great minds in New York. I’m confident I’m not one of them.

Confidence is okay.

The books I’m reading are called fiction, and I’m sure they are, though they capture some form of reality. I think that’s important to understand. There is not one reality. There are several realities.

Some people can write things down exactly the way they happened. But they leave out the nonsense. That’s what makes it good.

History is not a certain reality.

Some people say New York City used to be shitty. Other people say it used be the shit.

Here is a picture of me with nothing much going on:

I used the camera on my computer to take that picture. I make funny faces when I write and I often worry someone is watching me through the camera on the computer.

The rivers around Manhattan are starting to feel like the Pacific around Alcatraz. Manhattan would make a great prison. Perhaps it is a prison. If I didn’t know what a prison was like I would say something like, “Sometimes it feels like a prison.”

I feel bad for most of the people in prison. Some of them are killers and rapists and I don’t feel bad for them. But I do feel bad for most of them.

I heard


California builds more prisons than schools.


Several other states are doing the same.

That sounds like a great idea.

Maybe I should blog about it.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Noah Cicero Is Here To Save the World

BY BRIAN WASK recommended Noah Cicero.

Thank you While I’m at it thank you internet, the web, Jobs, internet inventors, truck drivers, Gore, teachers.

I don’t know what Noah Cicero is like in real life, but his show is the real thing.

“Don’t try.” - Bukowski

Cicero knows his shit. A little. No one knows a lot.

He can never sell out. He could fool everyone with something commercial. The President and Oprah would never know. Ellen too. He can only pretend to sell out.

Noah Cicero trashes New York for all the right reasons. Too bad he doesn’t see it like I do. He needs better New York friends. I’m sure the ones he has are nice but that doesn’t mean they don’t suck. Maybe they like clubs more than homes. A lot of New Yorkers are like that. They suck. He should visit better people.

New York is cliché and predictable. That’s redundant. New York is not redundant. It is predictable.

The Human War by this Noah Cicero guy is the shit. I should burn it and cook over it. We should eat its flames. That’s not literal. It’s culinary. This book is literal.

It hard to write about Noah Cicero without sounding fake. He sounds so real. I’ve never seen anyone say so little and blow the page up like Cicero. Sometimes I think the world is going to blow up when I finish reading Noah Cicero. It just seems like the perfect time for the world to explode. Just when I’m like “Huh” it can explode but I’ll find a place to land.

A short story in the back of The Human War sounds like a small recorder left behind and found by a sweeper in overalls. The story is called Little Flowers. I don’t believe it happened exactly the way Noah Cicero says, but I trust he thinks it did. And I hope it could.

Noah Cicero tells the truth.






Noah Cicero makes all the other writers punch the sky.

Faulkner’s jaw would drop.

Hemmingway’s drink would spill.

Kerouac’s hiccups would reveal all his insecurities.

Enough praise. Now for some harsh judgment: Noah Cicero, Don’t try harder. You’re fucked. You nailed it and now you have to carry it. Leave it to us hacks to suck on the masses. You need to write for History.

Leave it to they people to suck on the masses:

Dan Aurebach

Chuck Palinknuk

Michale Chabon

Brian Wask

Ryan Gossling

The guy from How I Met Your Mother

Football player

(Notice there are no woman listed. This is because they’re not fucking up like men. We top them is the fucking shit up category so much they have there own category, but it doesn’t even compare to the men’s so it’s not included.)

In closing, thanks Noah Cicero for reminding me about the truth. You are a true piece of shit. I don’t pass that title out often.

Next step: Read his other books. He better not piss me off. I’m optimistic.

Noah Cicero, in the mean time, don’t kill yourself. I’m expecting a resurrection with your name all over it.


Sunday, July 10, 2011

We Should Build a Mountain

By Brain Wask

They should forget about building a tower at Ground Zero. It’s not going to say much besides we’re good at making buildings. That’s obvious if you look around.

They should make a mountain.

I’d like to see it from Midtown, like we used to see the Towers.


If they made a mountain we could climb it and grow trees on it. Even let animals live on it. Not bears. Maybe condors instead. They might like it here. They don’t have it so good where they live. When they eat they get too heavy to fly and that’s when they’re vulnerable to hunters. But we can hunt them here too. Somewhere around the Bowery. Just so they remember they’re condors.

Ultimately, I think there should be a river passing through the mountain. It doesn’t have to be right away.

Everybody wants to do things right away because they think the Earth was made in six days. I don’t think it was so I’m not in such a hurry.

Another tower is the obvious idea for a replacement. That’s why we’re making a tower. It will be a building. But a boring one with boring jobs and more fancy New York gastro pubs. Boring. We have enough of both in New York. A mountain would not be so boring, and it would be better for the environment. And it would look awesome from Midtown. All the tourists in Times Square could look up from the violent and sexual billboards and see the mountain.

I think a mountain would secure more jobs as well, and a whole new way of doing things in New York, maybe even the Sates.

I feel like most of the United Sates would like to see New York City sink. Some would like to see it bombed. I don’t think any Liberals would like to see it bombed, but I do think there is a small fraction of Conservatives that do (Maybe a big one, you tell me). They believe in the John Birch Society and follow Glenn Beck. And he’s a nut. I don’t think his crying is anything but self-indulgent. He’s also a fool and I’m pretty sure he’s knows it.

Imagine you could see the mountain from Brooklyn and Jersey City. That would make an interesting skyline. There would be no other like it.

If it’s possible we should do it.

The greatest accomplishments remain after the chaos has settled.

Some people believe life is better when stability prevails.

Conflict is good.

Structure is not as good.

Violence applies to both.

The mountain could also be used to collect water, or maybe energy. I’m sure mountains benefit people more than buildings. It would take just as many people to build a mountain than it would a building, so no loss on jobs there. The cost of maintaining the mountain would be covered by tourism revenue. There is really no reason why we shouldn’t make a mountain except we can’t.

Somebody built an archipelago in Dubai.

People could argue there will be more mosquitoes and more rodents because of the mountain. But I don’t have anything to say about that.

Kids growing up in the city would be better off with a mountain around. Because it’s a city doesn’t mean it can’t have a mountain in it. It didn’t always have buildings. The island was mostly beavers at some point.

The idea mountains don’t belong in Manhattan is limited.

Limited is simple.

Maybe New York City is Limited.

I don’t care.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Don’t Drink the Brine

Antigua, Guatemala, June 3, 2011- I partially apologize for some of the suggestions to follow. The Saratogas, a breakfast club of Conservatives, recently administered a test to potential members, via mass email. Their demands are in red, for the fiery passion they deliver. Not really. Remember, there is no intelligent way to respond to the Saratogas. They speak from the darkest depths of humanity, their minds so closed it’s suffocating to even those exposed to their thoughts. This could be an exaggeration, but I’m a glutton for punishment and will try.


You can’t get any more accurate than this! Which side of the fence? If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

The white picket fence from the show with the perfect family or the fence Conservatives want to build on the Mexican border? Either way, if you wonder what side of the fence you’re on you’ve most likely been fooled into painting it. And it’s pretty scary the Saratogas think this is a test. No wonder education has taken a nosedive. The only thing this test proves is how closely related some of us are to apes.

If a Conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one. If a Liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

The last thing a Liberal wants to do is outlaw all guns. We’re going to need them. Next time the Saratogas hear Liberals want to ban firepower they should respond with indifference, at least. That said, Liberals do chuckle behind the backs of geared-up hunters posing beside their dead trophies, as though they’re going to feed a village. But, Liberals don’t want to ban all guns. Making them harder to get is simply a good idea. Does that sound crazy or stupid? Liberals would probably own more of them if the fear were as strong, but the dark side of town several miles away does not guarantee an automatic trigger from the gun show. This is a bit of a problem, and it’s not confined to urban minorities, like some music might imply. All sorts of shades are running around with guns, intimidating people and ultimately shooting them dead.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat. If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

Wow, where did this come from? I can only guess he’s fat and craps black. And Vegetarians? Is this now a party among the conservative delusions? The idea Conservatives don’t see anything wrong with what has happened to farmers in the last 20 years is ironic and ignorant; they’ve been wiped out by government subsidized industrial farms. These farms not only manufacture meat at alarming rates but their meat is full of diseases and steroids and is practically force fed to American school children by corporate food chains. Way to go Saratogas, this must make you proud. Your bleached meat doesn’t come from a farmer in overalls. It comes from a scientist in a hazmat suit.

As well, the Saratogas are going to have to prove there is a Vegetarian Conservative.

If a Conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a Liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

True Saratogas, Conservatives do quietly lead homosexual lives. It’s so quiet their wives rarely find out.

Yes legislation; how most things in this country are accomplished. Now there’s something wrong with that too. Legislated respect abolished slavery, gave women rights, workers rights, minorities rights, old people rights and will someday give gay people rights. Not special rights, the same rights. Get over it, progress prevails in America, always has always will. Conserve all you want.

If a Conservatives is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A Liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

Unless they work for a big bank. Enough said.

By the way, do the Saratogas have a mascot? They should. I think the cassette tape in available.

If a Conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

This one comes all the way from LaLa Land. I’ll explain later… but first… Fox News reaches over 100 million people, more than all the other “news” outlets combined. Conservative talk radio has nine times more listeners. Always whining. Roger Ailes, the chairman and founder of Fox News, was a political adviser for Nixon, Reagan and Bush 1. Okay, so today this is called news. Fair and Balanced news. Perfect. You’ve wowed us again. Conservatives own the mainstream media. Sara Palin works for the mainstream media; one of the many reasons Liberals think she’s got a lobster’s brain.

And later… Conservatives have spent many more hours trying to ban all sorts of media, whether it’s music, movies or books. Have you skipped over the last two hundred years? This is going to kill the audience. You can’t make this stuff up. What are the Saratogas eating for breakfast? I think it has lead paint in it. Do they know that’s not good for you? Or is that some kind of Vegetarian Party bullshit?

If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A Liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

Conservatives have spent the last century and half inserting the word God into our culture: in both the Pledge of Allegiance (1954) and on our currency (coins in 1864 and bills in 1956). Not once has it been suggested by a liberal to remove God from the Declaration of Independence and neither is the God mentioned remotely similar to a Christian God. You worship God, that’s fine, but please allow the rest of us to explore other options. Maybe there are a bunch of Jesuses, a few Gods, several Satans, at least ten Easter Bunnies and two Heavens, no Hells. Does it sound so crazy? You might think so. A liberal most likely would, too. Finally, common ground.

If a Conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A Liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

This might clear things up. Fortunately, I think I found something we share in common: the passion to be patriots. If Conservatives want to feel Patriotic they cheerfully and hastily cook up a war in Iraq. If Liberals want to feel Patriotic they cheerfully and hastily cook up healthcare reform. Shame on who? I guess we’ll see how Iraq turns out. The least the conservatives can do is wait and see how healthcare reform turns out. Though the intellect of the Saratogos dates them to at least in their 60s, they most likely won’t be around to see either. But their ambitious outlook tells me they have more faith in the Iraqis then they do in the Americans. Maybe they’re not so patriotic after all, besides a few flag-waving barbecues with firecrackers and paper plates. Shame on anyone who considers wealth an answer to health.

If a Conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A Liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

Wrong again. But maybe the quotes around “offended” mean something I’m not hip to. Let’s forget this hidden wink and assume the content is the same. I’m encouraged and even more certain. This sounds straight from the diary of a madman. Again Saratogas, lay off the lead paint. While you’re at it, stop using it to paint schools. But I will forward this to as many people as possible because it proves how much insight Conservatives lack. I’m sure Liberals will have a better laugh with this than anyone, even a really evil terrorist. At the end of the day, this mentality scares Liberals. It’s primal and limited. Yet, finally, as one last “offensive” jab from the Saratogas, it reminds us, despite the lack of insight, we’ve come along way. It’s impossible to ignore the possibility this is the Saratogas intention and for that Liberals should thank them.

Finally, thanks again Saratogas, you’ve wowed us with your breakfast club and deep intellect over Eggs Benedict. Or is that too French? Maybe some corn fed beef trimmings would suit you better. Your God willing, you will inspire future generations to bomb the Japs.

P.S. I apologize for the length, but the facts are usually in the details. I know that’s not fair.