Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Noah Cicero Is Here To Save the World


Amazon.com recommended Noah Cicero.

Thank you Amazon.com. While I’m at it thank you internet, the web, Jobs, internet inventors, truck drivers, Gore, teachers.

I don’t know what Noah Cicero is like in real life, but his show is the real thing.

“Don’t try.” - Bukowski

Cicero knows his shit. A little. No one knows a lot.

He can never sell out. He could fool everyone with something commercial. The President and Oprah would never know. Ellen too. He can only pretend to sell out.

Noah Cicero trashes New York for all the right reasons. Too bad he doesn’t see it like I do. He needs better New York friends. I’m sure the ones he has are nice but that doesn’t mean they don’t suck. Maybe they like clubs more than homes. A lot of New Yorkers are like that. They suck. He should visit better people.

New York is cliché and predictable. That’s redundant. New York is not redundant. It is predictable.

The Human War by this Noah Cicero guy is the shit. I should burn it and cook over it. We should eat its flames. That’s not literal. It’s culinary. This book is literal.

It hard to write about Noah Cicero without sounding fake. He sounds so real. I’ve never seen anyone say so little and blow the page up like Cicero. Sometimes I think the world is going to blow up when I finish reading Noah Cicero. It just seems like the perfect time for the world to explode. Just when I’m like “Huh” it can explode but I’ll find a place to land.

A short story in the back of The Human War sounds like a small recorder left behind and found by a sweeper in overalls. The story is called Little Flowers. I don’t believe it happened exactly the way Noah Cicero says, but I trust he thinks it did. And I hope it could.

Noah Cicero tells the truth.






Noah Cicero makes all the other writers punch the sky.

Faulkner’s jaw would drop.

Hemmingway’s drink would spill.

Kerouac’s hiccups would reveal all his insecurities.

Enough praise. Now for some harsh judgment: Noah Cicero, Don’t try harder. You’re fucked. You nailed it and now you have to carry it. Leave it to us hacks to suck on the masses. You need to write for History.

Leave it to they people to suck on the masses:

Dan Aurebach

Chuck Palinknuk

Michale Chabon

Brian Wask

Ryan Gossling

The guy from How I Met Your Mother

Football player

(Notice there are no woman listed. This is because they’re not fucking up like men. We top them is the fucking shit up category so much they have there own category, but it doesn’t even compare to the men’s so it’s not included.)

In closing, thanks Noah Cicero for reminding me about the truth. You are a true piece of shit. I don’t pass that title out often.

Next step: Read his other books. He better not piss me off. I’m optimistic.

Noah Cicero, in the mean time, don’t kill yourself. I’m expecting a resurrection with your name all over it.


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