We are happy to receive your letters at Tire Swing Press. They are thoughtful, helpful and often delusional. Some demand a response. The following are such letters.
Just browsing your blog. Has it occurred to you that you are posting pieces with many grammatical and editorial blunders? If you want to take writing and your blog seriously, which it looks like you do based on your presentation, then I urge you to consider taking a more professional stance if you are to call yourself a "press." It is an insult to the professional writing community at large to pretend to be a press and not take the care and expertise to post clean and polished writing. Call it "Tired Swing," if you choose to be this lazy. There is no excuse for misspelling anything in this technological age.
Something to consider. Editing is not optional in the pro writing world, it's mandatory. That's of course if you want to make a legitimate name and reputation for your press.
General George Grammar
We would like to know a little bit more about you?
I am your basic locution sleuth. A morphologist if you will. I cruise and orbit regions of words and simply point out issues with language and grammar. Not specifically in the case of Tire Swing, though. It turns out that the bedraggled prose I stumbled upon was merely a link to another blog--my bad--I offer an apology. With my sincerest expression of regret--I will also state my case: With the growing decimation of magazines, journals, newspapers and hand held publications, a new generation of writers has emerged on the cyber scene.
Once upon a time, rigorous editing processes were conducted before works went to publication. I have found that with the advent of blogging, this is no longer the case. And so my mission is to uphold the integrity of language and artistic composition.
I hope this helps.
Very Truly Yours,
General George Grammar
We forgive you?
Writers Wanted- Improper dash! Tire Swing Press Date: Reply to: see below 1. "See"! 2. Dangling preposition! "Below" what/where/whom? "Tire Swing Press is looking..." The inanimate entity that is a "press" cannot be "looking"! for submissions and possible staff. Visit our blog, see if you're a fit. 3, 4, 5. "Visit our blog; see whether you fit." Provide an advance, and you might have a chance!
What a tool.
!It is nice of you indeed to assess yourself so humbly and correctly! Do not respond; you could not do so literately anyway!
"Cut out all those exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke." F. Scott Fitzgerald
There is no such thing as an "exclamation point" because, of course, there is no such thing as a "question point"! Do you get the "point" [sic]?! "Exclamation mark"!!! You sustain your mark of illiteracy!!! DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!
This is an automated reply. As a computer I was able to calculate your location and profession. The result is positive. We at Tire Swing Press ask you to re-consider writing for us. Your behavior demonstrates an insane perspective. That's what we want at TSP. Please think about it. Your contribution could only be beneficial. This could work for you and the entire world will embrace it.
To the minds which behold such elitist opinions and those readers who appreciate your dribble, I say death to progress, for it has not lead us but dragged us. This country was founded on the principles of Jesus, but after reading Tire Swing Press, especially Wask, I have not but one true hope your brains function as do other living, breathing, caring, loving souls. Instead this experience, shorter than most mornings, has left me in a state of sincere, wholehearted sorrow for children being born today and children being born tomorrow. I hope you are forgiven. I hope you are saved. I hope you never so much as come near my town or my family. And further more, please do not publish this email.
We agree wholeheartedly– thought you might like that word– Wask is no good. We're working on that. In the meantime, please let us know what else you think about anything from anywhere.
Visited your blog. Liked it very much. I also see you are looking for submissions. The biggest illusion in the world is the concept "FREE." Nothing in this world comes free. So what is the benefit I derive out of writing for your website? Please do reply.
You will benefit nothing at all. In fact, writing for Tire Swing Press could lead to terrible nightmares, itchy skin and gray hairs. If I had the choice I would never ever write for Tire Swing Press. But I don't have the choice, so I do, as do the others locked in this windowless basement wearing away the skin on their fingertips.
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